My want to......

I am really trying to find my want to....... and it is hard. I am motivated and focused in so many areas of my life, but with eating and food and my weight...... I struggle. I need to find the want to, the desire. I am as heavy as I was when I had Blair, at a number on the scale that is awful to me. So..... why am I still having a hard time with my want to?
I ordered a new book  Made to Crave, not a diet plan but a guide to go alongside your own  plan. Focusing on made to crave God.  I am on chapter one and will keep you posted.
What I am already seeing is that I do rely on food,  it brings me comfort, joy, reduces my stress, give me something to do and it occupies way too much of my mind and time.
Looks like I am going to have lots to work on.....
Crave= something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, beg for....
How often have I thought of warm Duncan Hines milk chocolate brownies or a big batch of chocolate chip cookies. How many conversations have I had with myself, just make them, it is ok, they are so good, you can stop, only eat one, it is for the kids and Clay-- they love them, mama made them for me it is ok....... and so on and so on it goes...... Too much time, too much energy.... but then on the other the hand trying to cook and eat healthy and make hard changes seems so overwhelming.
Wish me luck, pray for me.... I am struggling here. I need to find my want to.

Kinda embarrassing. I type my words jumbled like they get in my head.
Last post I will not try to let this be my focus.
should have been--- I will try not to let this be .........
Oh I forgot I can correct this........

Ok I will try not to let this be my focus

But.... I really am having fun watching this little plant. Even Clay and Gar are getting into. We have all commented at different times how fast it is growing. I look at it now and just am reminded to trust God, I am going to let his words take root in my heart.
In two days this plant took off and it made me think of relationships this morning.
 How fast will they grow and mature if they are given the proper attention and how fast they can deteriorate with actions, words and not enough nuturing............Anyway ...... thoughts to ponder.

Sorry another seed/ sprout update

1/26/2011 7:30 am

So this little Sunday School project, that was for the 3rd and 4th graders, has really been fun for me. This is not usually something I would enjoy. Really not even sure why I even made a cup for myself, but I have sure enjoyed looking at this thing grow.
How am I nurturing my spirit each day? Am I growing in my daily walk with the Lord? Am I watering my soul, giving it just enough? Am I bringing joy to others? Am I helping my kids to grow? Am I trusting in God?
Really trusting....I believe so. My heart is better, my attitude is better, Clay and I are better. This plant is changing overnight before my eyes and maybe so am I.

1/25/2011 10:00 pm



1/21/2010



Seed update

This little sprout is on a roll!!!

This little sprout is gonna really grow!!!!

Ok..... I am easily amused

Lots of thoughts

Acceptance, wanting to be liked and to fit in.......that is normal isn't it........ no one likes the feeling of rejection or feeling that someone does not like us or does not understand the real us. But it happens, there are going to be people that we do not mesh with, people that rub us the wrong way.  We want the acceptance, the belonging, the understanding..... but we do not always get it.

My mind is full of thoughts the past few days and I may ramble more than ever today.

Blair had roommate issues this past week and ended up changing dorms and roommates. It is all going to work out for her and she is excited. The whole situation has made me think of many things. The above-- on fitting in. Thoughts of how do we deal with conflict, how do we approach difficult situations, how do we handle our emotions, how do we learn to get along, what am I teaching my kids, what attributes am I modeling for them, what examples am I providing.

College is more than just acquiring a four year educational degree. It is an experience and an opportunity to learn many things. It is a place to learn, a place to grow up, a place to try to new things, make independent decisions, a place to make new friends and develop lifelong friendships. A place to develop coping skills, a place to learn to handle conflict, to overcome fears, to learn to live alone, a place to put morals and beliefs to the test, to learn disappointment, to learn to love, to be passionate....... I could go on and on and on. These kids are learning so much more than how to study and I needed to be reminded of this. As a parent, it can be tough to try and respect their decisions. Tough to be able to help guide them in the right direction while at the same time allowing them the freedom to make their own way.

Anyway..... I told you I would ramble.  Mom and I went to see Blair yesterday and she was more stressed than she had let on.  No telling what has been said during this process that is not the truth and this has upset Blair. She may not have handled herself as well as she could have or should have. I know she did not say things she wanted to and she held back and I know she said things she should not have said and did not hold back.  But it is ok, she is learning and growing up, making her own way, charting her course.
So as I have rambled and given all these hodge podge thoughts, you have read all of this and thought what is Brigitte thinking. Anyway..... I told you..... lots of thoughts and lots of rambling.  Being a mom is not easy.

It is growing, but am I?

I am so excited---my seed is sprouting, really maybe two of the three I planted. Yesterday
I looked and thought the bean had just come to the top so I added more water and this morning much to my surprise I have a sprout. I think it was a much needed reminder for me.  I am still a bit out of whack this week and I do not know why.  So today as I am looking a my cute little sprout---- I am going to have a great day!!!! Enemy go away----you are not welcome here!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy Birthday to my daddy, I think he is still as handsome and as smart as ever! You hear discussions on Oprah and Dr Phil about so many disfunctional families. I am so very very thankful to have been raised by a great man and in a wonderful home. I have always felt loved, always felt special, always felt safe, always felt protected, always felt worthy, always felt like daddys little girl and always have known my daddy was proud of me and believed in me. I am so blessed. So on this special day---I say  Happy Birthday Daddy--- I love you very much. 72 hard to believe!!!!!

52 years and going strong







Friends--Connections----this makes me smile!

Add caption

This picture just make me smile. 

People, connections, friends, family.

This is a picture from our camping trip in 2009.  This is our group. In the beginning it was a joke and we called ourselves "our bleacher buddies." Ballgames are like church, you tend to sit in the same place, around the same people. Anyway, we... no really, Lisa Lee organized this fun weekend at Cooper Lake for the first part of June. Should have been nice and cool. Wrong....it was so hot.... and so sticky and there was not a breeze to be found. Did I mention most of us were TENT Camping.

This picture is on the last night, Daron had been frying fish and we were very hot. In spite of the heat we had a great adventure and a great time.

 I love to look at everyone in the pictures, no makeup, red faced,sticky and stinky.

The real us. 

Friends having fun, families making memories, kids being kids.

Caroling this year

The Bleacher Buddies minus a few!!

If......But... Maybe.... Really

I have not been in a very good place the past few days. It happens, things just seem out of sorts, just a little off. I have been short fused and temperamental which happens, I don't like it but it happens. Dreading Blair leaving, Gar's grades, my work, just a bit stressed.

This morning I was preparing my Sunday School lesson for my 3rd and 4th grade girls and it spoke to me.... imagine that. Parables of the sower, mustard seed and the weeds. How I respond to God's Word is Important.
 Matthew 13:²⁰ The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. ²¹ But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. ²² The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. ²³ But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

I finished my lesson and the whole time I was getting ready I am just thinking the words  IF you would, but what if, are you sure .... It was as if God was saying really Brigitte--- do you trust me,really trust me, do you hear my words and follow them, don't you know I am in control?

Clay was laid off Dec 15th, I closed on a fabulous deal Jan 7th. Perfect timing that will allow Clay to really look for a good fit.   Am I really saying what if.... I am not sure...... My heart knows God's true and perfect provision and plan, why can I not just accept this, but my mind is still saying what if, are you sure.

Blair is leaving to go back to school. What If ....she doesn't make her grades, makes bad friends, bad choices... God is saying Brigitte she is in my hands don't you trust me. Look at her she is doing good.

Garrett is growing up and testing the waters with really very calm, very normal things. School work, video games, schedules. I am saying he is not focused, he has to grow up. But Brigitte.. don't you see his big heart, his love for people, his kindness. He is in My hands too.

My marriage... Ok I know there will be times we don't agree, times we will not see eye to eye and times we might make each other crazy.  I am saying we have been here before, if only he would do.............. God is saying  But he is, he does,he loves you really loves you, put your marriage in my hands.  Don't you trust me don't know I have this.

So as I ramble to all of you and surely make no sense whatsoever. What I saw this morning was that I do not want to be the person that hears the word and has no root, the person that lets the enemy snatch it from my heart or lets the world choke me out, and lets fear and doubt rule my life. I want to bear good fruit, to be fruitful and to really trust Him. To hear his word, to trust it and to have great faith.

I started this blog on the 13th and never finished it.
I love to see God work and am just amazed at times. He knows our every need.
Thank you Lord for always providing. I often need reminders to trust you and I mean to really trust you.

Only trust him, only trust him, only trust him now.
He will save you he will save you he will save you now.
.
All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.

Sorry---I love old hymns
http://www.hymnsite.com/

Blair Packing

Blair is tyring to get organized to go back to school. She is one messy girl. I hung up clothes for several minutes and then had to get out of there. She says she is not so bad at school, just at home... not sure about that one. We have had a great month and surprisingly she spent tons of time at home.. with us. It has been nice. She is full of Blair and makes this house come to life. I think she actually has felt sorry for me and all the boy changes that have taken place. She told the boys "y'all just kick mom out, she goes to her room, gets all comfortable and then y'all say ..oh you can come in here with us." When she is here I have a teammate, she brags on my cooking, tells me what looks cute, we share our clothes and have girl time.  She has tried to make me feel good about this new hair color.


Miss America---and a bit of chaos  

 I did not shed one tear last semester, I gained about 15 pounds so maybe I cooked and ate instead of crying. Not so sure about this semester. This time I might cry.....Maybe it will be ok and I can try to get this 15 really 25 pounds off!!!!

Garrett in his favorite spot, this is my boy phase!

She is excited to go back and get in her routine with her friends. Of course I am happy for her..... just will miss my lively fun girl!!!!

GROUCHY

Just so you know I am a bit grouchy tonight, well Gar and Clay would say...a bit grouchy.... a lot grouchy!!!

Garrett missed three days of school last week, right at the end of the semester. He has make up work still to finish and now semester tests. His sense of urgency and mine do not match. Anyway.... I won't rant about my rampage hissy but I did go off. Life is full of choices and it can not always be about the fun.

Plus when my house gets out of sorts, I get out of sorts. I have tons of laundry to do, the fun after the snow day!!!  I know the kids could do their own, but they don't...this is one way I still spoil them and most days I do not mind. A load or two a day and it is no problem to keep up.

Gar I promise to not have the tone tomorrow--- I love you!

Focused and studying...finally!



in case you wondered why I own this tshirt!



Joy

I know you see the darling baby.This is Allie Grace, the youngest member of the Abbott Clan.What I want you to look at is the lady holding her. This is my mama, Barbara Jean Justiss Abbott. She is a mother to four + spouses, grandmother to 10 + 3 new inlaws, great grandmother to two + one on the way, aunt to 9 +spouses, great aunt to 15, sister, sister in law, wife of 52 years and special friend to so so many.

I love this picture of her. In so many of her photos this last year she has looked tired and you can tell she is pushing. This one captures so much to me. Look at her eyes, look at her smile, this is joy. This is a woman that has inner peace, beauty that shines from the inside out. True inner peace that comes from knowing and trusting in Jesus, from knowing God is in control. She gets it. She is determined. She cherishes each day and makes the most of it, even if she does not feel good. She tries to make time for everyone and will try to make you feel special. You can see that,even little Allie knows this.

This has been a tough year for mama, mom, nene, mamaw, aunt bobby and she has faced it so well. Tonight was not a good night, she had one of her crazy spells. Tomorrow will be better and  I can bet you  if little Allie shows up at her house tomorrow afternoon, she will do her best to hold her and love on her. You see.... this lady ....she gets it!
This is the day that the Lord hath made we shall be glad and rejoice in it!

My 25 Random Things that I never posted

My 25 things list that I never posted to Facebook, only emailed to a few of you. This is from at least a year and a half or more---I said Gar was almost as tall as me and he is much taller than me now.

1. I love to play jokes on people- April Fool’s day is one my favorite days. Clay, however, does not think it is funny anymore. I feel like I am continuing on in the tradition of Mamaw Helen.
2. I do not like caller id as it makes it harder for me to do fully utilize April Fool’s day.
3. I have a stuffed rat. He is so much fun and has brought me so many laughs. I just wish I would have filmed some of pranks I have pulled with him. I could be on America’s Funniest videos..
4. I love Clay Barkley- we talk fight as Brock says, but we love each other and are very happy.
5. I think it is funny when people fall down (oops another Mamaw Helen thing)
6. I live in the same town I grew up in. I couldn’t wait to leave -- I hated it as a teenager and wanted the big city, big money, etc. I would never have believed someone if they had told me I would be raising my family in Josephine. Funny how things turn out, but I am so thankful and so content.
7. Blair is taller than me and Garrett is almost there.
8. I love being their mom and I love my kids.
9. I love being an aunt and I love all my nieces and nephews. (and little cousins)
10. I have a hard time realizing they are grown up and I know I drive them nutty reminiscing about the past and telling them what they did when they were little. I tried to make Blake do the Easter egg hunt when he was in 8^th grade and even wanted him to go under the chicken limbo. I could watch JC do Dumb and Dumber over and over again…… see I still am talking about it.
11. I love to take family photos and line everyone up by age.  I get bossy trying to get the right pose. This also drives the nieces and nephews nuts. But…they do it for me and then want to look at the photos later.
12. I was a horrible sister to Tammy growing up, I was so mean to her, tried to make her cry on purpose. I am so glad she loves me and I hope she has forgiven me. She is my true friend and a great sister.
13. I love my mom and daddy.I  talk to mother sometimes 3-4 times a day. I am so thankful Clay loves them to and understands this.
14. I really am not an animal person.
15. I love babies, all kids and old people.
16. I like to work ---always have enjoyed what I do and have made great friends.
17. I am not good at keeping up with friends and making plans- --I go with the flow, fly by the seat of my pants, make last minute plans way too much. I am good if someone else plans it or calls and says let do this, I am just not good at getting it going.
18. I played hard as a kid. We had playhouses in the tree, loved hide and go seek, rode my bike all over town, played dress shop in my room and Ms. America out by the pool.
19. I love the sun, the beach and reading.
20.  I love Jesus.
21. I can’t remember words to songs and say the wrong words at the wrong time. Thanks goodness for Tammy she corrects me and laughs at me.
22. I love listening to my Jesus music in the car all by myself and love old Hymns.
23. I loved Willie, even though she was sometimes mean to me  and loved Tammy more.  I wish I could talk to her now,I would  pay attention to her stories and I would ask a lot of questions. I do no think I really understood prejudice and how her life was as a black woman. I wanted to wash her black off.
24.  I always wanted to be a wife and mother.
25. If I could have a do-over and change things in my life ---- I don’t think I would. I think all things have happened for a reason and they bring us to where we are. I take comfort in the fact that God Loves me and forgives me. I hope I can grow from the mistakes and try to perfect the good.

The Middle

What is that… the middle….I have talked about it before… you know....the middle sweet roll. I was icing the orange danish for Gar just a few minutes ago and looking at that middle roll.  You will never know how many arguments it has caused at my house. Now, it is not a problem, Gar gets what he wants. Anyway, I got to thinking about personalities and our nature.  Do you go for the middle, grabbing your hearts desire first? Do you hold back and let others have first pick and then take the leftovers? Do you give the best piece away? Anyway, thoughts to ponder.

I don’t want to raise middle kind of kids. I think our society is selfish as a whole and we have to teach that is not about me, we have to teach to think about others. Whatever examples you use to get the point across do it. We want to raise kids that don’t just focus on the middle.

As a test I watched Gar. He took the side roll, the middle and then another. I said,  “Oh I wanted the middle and he sat it down without a word…. Then I said no really you take it that was just a test.

I encourage you today to give your middle away. You will be blessed even if the ooey gooey was tempting you, give it away. Someone needs it more than you.

I forgot all about the icing cup disputes…. Today it just sat there. No takers.

Acts 20:35 It is more blessed to give than receive.

Matthew 10:8 Freely you have received freely give .

Noise or Silence

When I have the house all to myself and it is quiet I savor it-- it is calming, always stays clean and I control the TV. I am always ready to have my family back but boy is it loud...really what would we do without the noise.Voices of arguments, laughing, gripping, music, tv, pans rattling, dishwasher, dog barking, video games, cell phones clicking, requests of needs, complaints, information. I am sitting in my office just listening...........and thinking of my earlier post....contentment. They may get on my nerves but it is a good get on my nerves kinda thing.

Here Goes Nothing......

Ok here I go......some of you have said I should do this so I decided to give it a try. Not sure if I will last or if anyone will even read it.
This morning I was thinking about blessings. (I saw Trisha Graham's blessing journal)  Anyway.....Blessings..... that encompasses so much and so many thoughts for me. I have so many people and things that I consider blessings. Today I feel blessed, blessed to be at a place of contentment. If someone had told me 20 years ago that we would be living in Josephine..... I would have said no way! Well we are and I love my old cozy house. It is our home, the place where we connect, where we relax, where we are our true selves, the doors we walk thru and say so glad to be home. It is not big, it is not fancy, it does not have a manicured yard or a garage..... But it is our place, our home and it is filled with us, filled with love. So today ...I am thankful to be content, thankful for a roof over our heads, thankful for home.  

Last year in the snow and it looks so peaceful to me.

I also thought today ....could I just use one word to describe my feeling for that day----Don't think I can do that.
Ok First blog.... I did it!