January 30, 2011

My want to......

I am really trying to find my want to....... and it is hard. I am motivated and focused in so many areas of my life, but with eating and food and my weight...... I struggle. I need to find the want to, the desire. I am as heavy as I was when I had Blair, at a number on the scale that is awful to me. So..... why am I still having a hard time with my want to?
I ordered a new book  Made to Crave, not a diet plan but a guide to go alongside your own  plan. Focusing on made to crave God.  I am on chapter one and will keep you posted.
What I am already seeing is that I do rely on food,  it brings me comfort, joy, reduces my stress, give me something to do and it occupies way too much of my mind and time.
Looks like I am going to have lots to work on.....
Crave= something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly, beg for....
How often have I thought of warm Duncan Hines milk chocolate brownies or a big batch of chocolate chip cookies. How many conversations have I had with myself, just make them, it is ok, they are so good, you can stop, only eat one, it is for the kids and Clay-- they love them, mama made them for me it is ok....... and so on and so on it goes...... Too much time, too much energy.... but then on the other the hand trying to cook and eat healthy and make hard changes seems so overwhelming.
Wish me luck, pray for me.... I am struggling here. I need to find my want to.

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