I am going to give this a try again. Not looking good since I have not posted here since December. I have had lots of facebook thoughts...maybe that counts!
August 15, 2012
August 14, 2012
Ache 8-10-2012
Ache in my heart. Yes. Heavy, tightness, aching. I am feeling this and yet it was not my son. But it was someone’s son, our friend’s son and my heart hurts for them. Aches. We have had a tough week and then I cannot imagine their week. I sit to post a facebook thought and then the thought seems so shallow, so senseless. So I type and I erase and then I don’t post. I hear conversations around me and some are important and some are so useless. I hold my words, my real thoughts. My sister says I have to stop this. I know I have to. We have life, life is happening and those conversations that seem senseless to me are important to others. My thoughts are rambling and my head is full and my heart aches and then I feel His presence and I cannot imagine not having it. I can’t imagine not being able to feel, trust and know with my being that God is in control and that He loves me. Then I think…. people do not have this, they do not know Him.
I have said to a few people that maybe I have taken God for granted and that I never want to do that again. Last Thursday I felt His presence so strongly and it left me in awe. I sat in church Sunday singing songs that I have sang over and over. The tears started. Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you’re my God .Your altogether lovely all together wonderful to me. I was overwhelmed. How many times have I sung this going thru the motions? Really. I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon the cross…..tears yes, for heartache yes, but tears for the ache in my heart that is not an ache but the presence of the Holy Spirit. Overwhelming ….yes.
Then we sang this. Scars and struggles on the way, But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful Every step we are breathing in Your grace Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise.
I see and hear this…. evermore, I need to be breathing out his Praise. We hear that we have this moment; we know that things can happen. Yet we live thinking, not me, it won’t happen or we have been lucky. We live in a world full of lost people and yet we just live and we do not act and we do not tell. Do these people see Jesus in us or do they see empty worship, senseless conversations. That young man, our friends son, he is in Heaven, rejoicing, worshiping. What about others? I just pray and trust that God will use me to show people Jesus. I don’t want to be silent, I don’t want to take Him for granted. I want to live, live for Him!
I have said to a few people that maybe I have taken God for granted and that I never want to do that again. Last Thursday I felt His presence so strongly and it left me in awe. I sat in church Sunday singing songs that I have sang over and over. The tears started. Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you’re my God .Your altogether lovely all together wonderful to me. I was overwhelmed. How many times have I sung this going thru the motions? Really. I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon the cross…..tears yes, for heartache yes, but tears for the ache in my heart that is not an ache but the presence of the Holy Spirit. Overwhelming ….yes.
Then we sang this. Scars and struggles on the way, But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful Every step we are breathing in Your grace Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise.
I see and hear this…. evermore, I need to be breathing out his Praise. We hear that we have this moment; we know that things can happen. Yet we live thinking, not me, it won’t happen or we have been lucky. We live in a world full of lost people and yet we just live and we do not act and we do not tell. Do these people see Jesus in us or do they see empty worship, senseless conversations. That young man, our friends son, he is in Heaven, rejoicing, worshiping. What about others? I just pray and trust that God will use me to show people Jesus. I don’t want to be silent, I don’t want to take Him for granted. I want to live, live for Him!
December 5, 2011
Go light your world
Yesterday we turned on the tree and we have more lights out. I was so aggravated, psycho tree. We had to add strands when we put it up, we added another strand in last week after it was finished and now two more branches are out. Clay looked at it last night said "well you are just going to have to add more lights."
I had various random thoughts last week when this happened.
Our trees look beautiful and perfect when lit up. We can look beautiful on the outside, but we are all flawed and we all have hurts. Sometimes we can hide it, cover it up, look perfect and make it appear to the world we are ok, but still our inside hurts. But many times just like my middle lights, there are things we can't hide, flaws we can't cover up and some things are obvious for all to see.
Our trees look beautiful and perfect when lit up. We can look beautiful on the outside, but we are all flawed and we all have hurts. Sometimes we can hide it, cover it up, look perfect and make it appear to the world we are ok, but still our inside hurts. But many times just like my middle lights, there are things we can't hide, flaws we can't cover up and some things are obvious for all to see.
This morning this song came to mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ePwMcrkgPs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ePwMcrkgPs
I don't think I will fix the tree this time. The dark branches are going to be a reminder. There are so many people out there in darkness and we are to be their light. Look at your tree shining bright, that is what we are to be in this world.
So my thought for the day is this ......GO Shine my friends!!!
Read the lyrics--- listen to the song.
My tree is going to show it's imperfections this year and I am going to shine, hope you will too!
There is a candle in every soul.
Some brightly burning some dark and cold
There is a spirit, who brings a fire
Ignites a candle, and makes his own.
Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn,
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, go light your world.
Take your candle; go light your world
Frustrated brother, see how he’s tried to
Light his own candle, some other way
See now your sister, she’s been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame.
Carry your candle, run through the darkness,
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle, for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world,
Take your candle go light your world.
Some brightly burning some dark and cold
There is a spirit, who brings a fire
Ignites a candle, and makes his own.
Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn,
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle, go light your world.
Take your candle; go light your world
Frustrated brother, see how he’s tried to
Light his own candle, some other way
See now your sister, she’s been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame.
Carry your candle, run through the darkness,
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle, for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world,
Take your candle go light your world.
We are a family, who hearts are blazing
So let’s raise our candles light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus,
Make us a beacon in darkest time
Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world
Carry your candle, run to the darkness,
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle go light your world
Take your candle go light your world
So let’s raise our candles light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus,
Make us a beacon in darkest time
Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, deceived and poor
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world
Carry your candle, run to the darkness,
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle go light your world
Take your candle go light your world
November 21, 2011
Hometown
I just got back from 6 nights in Gruver taking care of Sweetie. It was strange to be there without Clay or the kids. It was the first time in our 23 years of being together that I have been there alone. It made me think. Made me look at things a little differently and it made me love Clay even more. He loves home, loves his family, loves his hometown.
I had to get out the house a few afternoons. Ran to the DQ for Happy Hour, to the Gruver grocery store one day and then drove over to Spearman the next day. I started driving and thinking. We grew up pretty similar. Church, big family, good parents, small town...... Except his little town in somewhat isolated and the scenery is very different than North Texas. Wide open spaces and not many trees. Pretty in its own way and pretty to Clay.
Anyway.... I just thought.... We all need a place that is our own, a place we belong. A hometown. A place with roots and memories. I feel the same way about little Josephine. I love to go to my mom's, walk in the back door, grab a diet coke and go sit in the living room next to her chair. It is home, My home, my safe place, my people, my mama.
I saw Gruver that way more than ever this trip. It is Clay's home, his safe place, his people, his mom and dad, his place. I sure hope we have created this for our kids. A place that is their very own, a safe place, a fun and happy place....and most of all a place where they know their mom and dad love them no matter what.
BTW Clay's thinks the Gruver Dairy Queen is the only place that can make a cherry vanilla cream dr pepper. (who puts cream in dp anyway)..... He love the seasons, the freezing cold, the snow, the smell of cow poop, playing games and most of all his mom's cooking. Guess What? I love him because all of that matters to him. His town.His people. His place.
I had to get out the house a few afternoons. Ran to the DQ for Happy Hour, to the Gruver grocery store one day and then drove over to Spearman the next day. I started driving and thinking. We grew up pretty similar. Church, big family, good parents, small town...... Except his little town in somewhat isolated and the scenery is very different than North Texas. Wide open spaces and not many trees. Pretty in its own way and pretty to Clay.
Anyway.... I just thought.... We all need a place that is our own, a place we belong. A hometown. A place with roots and memories. I feel the same way about little Josephine. I love to go to my mom's, walk in the back door, grab a diet coke and go sit in the living room next to her chair. It is home, My home, my safe place, my people, my mama.
I saw Gruver that way more than ever this trip. It is Clay's home, his safe place, his people, his mom and dad, his place. I sure hope we have created this for our kids. A place that is their very own, a safe place, a fun and happy place....and most of all a place where they know their mom and dad love them no matter what.
BTW Clay's thinks the Gruver Dairy Queen is the only place that can make a cherry vanilla cream dr pepper. (who puts cream in dp anyway)..... He love the seasons, the freezing cold, the snow, the smell of cow poop, playing games and most of all his mom's cooking. Guess What? I love him because all of that matters to him. His town.His people. His place.
Thoughts to ponder.... if you do not have a place....create one for your family. Make your house a home, a happy place...a good place... a place your kids will want to come to.
Trials... pits.... stresses
Started August 28,2011
Just now editing and here I go.....
Ok so I have not been very faithful to my blogging lately. This is our first night without Blair and I am hoping I am going to have a little more time on my hands.It has been a hectic summer so I am going to make a list of all the things that have caused me stress and I hope it makes me feel better.
Late May-- small car wreck in Suburban, not my fault, but still had to have body work.
June 10-- picked up fixed car went to get hair cut and had a flat. Wylie tire to rescue but they said new tires were needed. $600.00 later
June 15-- Suburban overheated on way home from Lubbock. One tow and $2,000 later--- good to go.
June 24-- picked up car in time for New Orleans trip, 1300 miles later back home. A good friend passed away while we were away.
Late June-- Letter from IRS.... Tax error owed IRS another $3,000
July/ August-- skunk smells in and out of house, day whatever of 100 heat..
August 1st-12-- 5:00 am wake up call for Garrett, 982 pb and j sandwiches made, helped with one tailgate party, two parking lot feeds and one pool party
August 15 Blair had a wreck on I-30 she was fine but Lexus totaled
August 14 One A/C unit not working properly
August 19 one pool party
August 22 first week of school for Gar--- 7:00 am not so bad.
Thursday one of many Sam's runs.
Aug 26-- Scrambled up 5 lbs of hamburger for Blair to freeze, made one potatoes casserole and baked beans. Ran and opened up the church, loaded tv stand from storage at store, served at funeral, helped make Friday football food, served the food, 45 minutes at home, hot as all get out ballgame, home at 11:00 loaded Blair's car and finally went to bed at 1:00 am
Saturday 5:00 am wake up call. Stephenville bound by 5:40. Worked all day unpacking, got Blair settled and home at 11:30.
Sunday church, nap, left to run to Royse with Nene and Tammy and came home and found at thief had been here.
Seems like we are in a season of new experiences, one thing after the next. Trying not to complain because in so many cases things could have been alot worse. This afternoon someone decided to take an uninvited stroll thur our home and take my jewelry box, camera, gifts cards and one of Gar's money jars. Garrett was out in the pasture and we had just ran over to Royse to eat.
So here I am on November 21st and I am just now completing this....makes me stress just reading it!
Ended up with 10 weeks of Friday football feeds, 10 lost football games, two touchdowns, one parent's weekend, new Sunday school class with several boys, dove hunting breakfast, babysitting kids and overall lots of fun. Thankful the season of stresses seemed to pass us up this fall...... I forgot one hurt rib and one sprained ankle........
Just now editing and here I go.....
Ok so I have not been very faithful to my blogging lately. This is our first night without Blair and I am hoping I am going to have a little more time on my hands.It has been a hectic summer so I am going to make a list of all the things that have caused me stress and I hope it makes me feel better.
Late May-- small car wreck in Suburban, not my fault, but still had to have body work.
June 10-- picked up fixed car went to get hair cut and had a flat. Wylie tire to rescue but they said new tires were needed. $600.00 later
June 15-- Suburban overheated on way home from Lubbock. One tow and $2,000 later--- good to go.
June 24-- picked up car in time for New Orleans trip, 1300 miles later back home. A good friend passed away while we were away.
Late June-- Letter from IRS.... Tax error owed IRS another $3,000
July/ August-- skunk smells in and out of house, day whatever of 100 heat..
August 1st-12-- 5:00 am wake up call for Garrett, 982 pb and j sandwiches made, helped with one tailgate party, two parking lot feeds and one pool party
August 15 Blair had a wreck on I-30 she was fine but Lexus totaled
August 14 One A/C unit not working properly
August 19 one pool party
August 22 first week of school for Gar--- 7:00 am not so bad.
Thursday one of many Sam's runs.
Aug 26-- Scrambled up 5 lbs of hamburger for Blair to freeze, made one potatoes casserole and baked beans. Ran and opened up the church, loaded tv stand from storage at store, served at funeral, helped make Friday football food, served the food, 45 minutes at home, hot as all get out ballgame, home at 11:00 loaded Blair's car and finally went to bed at 1:00 am
Saturday 5:00 am wake up call. Stephenville bound by 5:40. Worked all day unpacking, got Blair settled and home at 11:30.
Sunday church, nap, left to run to Royse with Nene and Tammy and came home and found at thief had been here.
Seems like we are in a season of new experiences, one thing after the next. Trying not to complain because in so many cases things could have been alot worse. This afternoon someone decided to take an uninvited stroll thur our home and take my jewelry box, camera, gifts cards and one of Gar's money jars. Garrett was out in the pasture and we had just ran over to Royse to eat.
So here I am on November 21st and I am just now completing this....makes me stress just reading it!
Ended up with 10 weeks of Friday football feeds, 10 lost football games, two touchdowns, one parent's weekend, new Sunday school class with several boys, dove hunting breakfast, babysitting kids and overall lots of fun. Thankful the season of stresses seemed to pass us up this fall...... I forgot one hurt rib and one sprained ankle........
August 2, 2011
Reflection day
Today has been a sad day---Brant and Dea's last Sunday at our church was today. I know preachers come and go.....but 13 years is a long time and I have become emotional as I have reflected. They came when Blair was just getting ready to start kindergarten. I had just started teaching a GA group and they came to my first party. It was supposed to be swim party at my moms but as is happens in Sept it go cold and rained. Party ended up inside, they showed up so young and cute. I was a new teacher and they were the new preacher family. That Halloween we had a carnival and everyone dressed up and Brant showed up as a woman. Fun times. Church camp and delivering goodie sacks to the old people with Dea. On one hand it seems like yesterday and on the other it seems so long ago. People have come and many passed away. We have all grown up. They have 5 kids. Precious kids that have been born and raised in our church family
It was a sad day, lots of tears and harder than I believe most people thought it would be when they pulled into Church.
I was watching the family memory video and I was sad and yet very proud too. It had so many fun memories and made me realize how thankful I am to be part of a church family, thankful for all the friendships and proud of who we are as a church. Brant and Dea are going to do great and they have a new family waiting to love on them. We are going to do great too. We don't know what the future holds but I know and trust that God does and it is exciting to see who He has in store for us. Then we get to start again, building friendships and making memories.It is all going to be ok.
I started this last Sunday and never finished it and here I sit trying to complete it and begin blogging again....so my thought for today... start what you finish!!!
It was a sad day, lots of tears and harder than I believe most people thought it would be when they pulled into Church.
I was watching the family memory video and I was sad and yet very proud too. It had so many fun memories and made me realize how thankful I am to be part of a church family, thankful for all the friendships and proud of who we are as a church. Brant and Dea are going to do great and they have a new family waiting to love on them. We are going to do great too. We don't know what the future holds but I know and trust that God does and it is exciting to see who He has in store for us. Then we get to start again, building friendships and making memories.It is all going to be ok.
I started this last Sunday and never finished it and here I sit trying to complete it and begin blogging again....so my thought for today... start what you finish!!!
June 6, 2011
blogging.......
So part of my problem with blogging is this:
I have thoughts but it just takes me too long to type. I am so slow and what should be a simple little task turns into a very time consuming task. Time which is a precious commodity around here. I sure wish I had listened to Mrs Caldwell in 1983. I was not going to be a secretary. Me.... a Secretary, no way..... I had big plans of fashion and fun............. little did I know the world would become a typing texting fast with your fingers kinda place!
So when I have a bit more time I am gonna catch up my blog or maybe I will type real fast and leave it an see if you can figure it out!!
Blair came home a few weeks ago and as great as ti is ibeen we are all having to adjust to the family dynamics. We are goo now ecveryone has found their place. the first few days were funny. she would get in my chiar well the chiar that used to be her chair and then I dint know wher to sit and we all had a hard time figuring out how to get comfy in th eliving room.like teh three bears and goldilock well anyway.....
seems like we all grew in 9 months. 4 barjley at 6 foot tall and well lets just say we fill up this old house.....
there you go..... I really stink at typoing!!!!
Love yall!!
I have thoughts but it just takes me too long to type. I am so slow and what should be a simple little task turns into a very time consuming task. Time which is a precious commodity around here. I sure wish I had listened to Mrs Caldwell in 1983. I was not going to be a secretary. Me.... a Secretary, no way..... I had big plans of fashion and fun............. little did I know the world would become a typing texting fast with your fingers kinda place!
So when I have a bit more time I am gonna catch up my blog or maybe I will type real fast and leave it an see if you can figure it out!!
Blair came home a few weeks ago and as great as ti is ibeen we are all having to adjust to the family dynamics. We are goo now ecveryone has found their place. the first few days were funny. she would get in my chiar well the chiar that used to be her chair and then I dint know wher to sit and we all had a hard time figuring out how to get comfy in th eliving room.like teh three bears and goldilock well anyway.....
seems like we all grew in 9 months. 4 barjley at 6 foot tall and well lets just say we fill up this old house.....
there you go..... I really stink at typoing!!!!
Love yall!!
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